We the undersigned petitioners urge you, Stephen
Colbert, to enter the Republican Primary for Congress in the
First District of South Carolina.
Stephen, this is your home district and you owe
us. We're not sure exactly what you owe us for, but we feel fairly
certain that someone somewhere in the first district helped you
out with something at some point, and whatever that was, it's
now time to return the favor.
We believe you would be a superior choice to
the other entrants in the primary,
especially the incumbent.